Don't Ignore Infertility - Talk About It!

In case you didn't know, this is National Infertility Awareness Week. Years ago, before I was an infertility graduate, I had no idea there was a National Infertility Awareness Week, and in fact back then it probably didn't exist. In honor of this week I'm going to share with you a little story.

Marquis's family does a big camping trip every Memorial Day with a big group of family friends. Back before I got old and crappy about camping we would go with them. One day while sitting around the campground, one of Marquis's parent's friends sat next to me and said, "So I hear you and Marquis are having some trouble getting pregnant." For just a moment I was completely shocked. We had shared our troubles with our family and friends, and let's face it, I'm not known for keeping any secrets, but still, can you just ask something like that straight out?

I said that yes, we were, and told her how long we had been trying. And that's when she told me her own story. Sarah (name changed) and her husband had gone through years of infertility treatments before they turned to adoption. As they were going through the adoption process, they were surprised to learn that had been able to get pregnant all on their own. I remember her telling me that she hated telling that part of her story to people, because everyone told her that they had finally been able to get pregnant because they relaxed because they were doing the adoption. She said, "And every one that said that about relaxing I just wanted to punch in the nose because that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard." Or something along those lines, I don't remember her exact words, but I remember especially talking about that because I felt the same way! (Public service announcement: Please add anything about relaxing to your list of things to never mention to a crazy, hormonally challenged infertile woman unless you would like body parts removed. Thank you.)

I had known this couple since Marquis and I had married four or five years before, and while I knew that they only had one son, I had had no idea that they had infertility problems. We had the most amazing conversation about the horribleness of all the poking and the prodding and the side effects of the fertility meds, the sadness and frustration of all those negative pregnancy tests and we even talked about how taboo the subject was, like it was a part of our lives we were supposed to ignore and pretend wasn't happening. While my family and friends had always been very supportive and helpful, this was the first real conversation I had had with someone who had been right there in the trenches and knew exactly how I felt. As we talked I suddenly felt not so alone anymore, and all the tight places inside were able to loosen just a little as I poured out everything to someone who knew. I don't think that Sarah has any idea how much this conversation meant to me and still means to me all these years later.

The world has changed a lot in the years since then. Now there are fertility support groups, both online and off. The subject is not as off limits anymore, thank goodness! But even with that, I still want to encourage people out there to talk about it. Don't hide or ignore infertility, you never know when sharing your story is going to make a huge difference in someone else's life. And sharing not only helps those who are also going through fertility problems, but it can help those who aren't to be more understanding. I have had so many well-meaning people say really hurtful things, simply because they just don't understand.

The day that we found out I was pregnant the first time was a glorious Saturday. I had taken the test early and we were both on cloud nine. Later that day I was making croissants in the kitchen when Marquis snuck up behind me and started taking pictures, including this one. This picture makes me so happy because I remember exactly how giddy we were. I am so grateful to those who shared their stories, their strength helped me get through to that day, one of the happiest days of my life. Please don't ignore infertility, talk about it, share your story!

For a better understanding about infertility, check out this site:  http://www.resolve.org/infertility101

For more information about National Fertility Awareness Week, go here: http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html