Mother's Day - A Day of Love, or Torture?

The beautiful girls who made me a mother.

Yes, I know, a week late for talking about Mother's Day. Oh well! First, let's talk about what I love about Mother's Day. I adore my mother. Mom, did you know that? It's true, I adore you. My mother is beautiful and sweet and kind and I couldn't have had a more perfect mother. And I love that there is a day out in the world that reminds me to let her know that.

And my mother-in-law? Raising Marquis was no picnic, that's for sure, and he gave her every single beautiful gray hair on her head, probably one at a time with each of his crazy adventures. But I know that he is the amazing man he is today because of the amazing person that my mother-in-law is, and I'm so grateful for her! I hear all the scary in-law stories and can't help but be grateful that I really ended up with the perfect parents-in-law. So to my other mom, I adore you, too!

And what about me now that I am also a mom? I love that on Mother's Day at church Sweetheart's teacher had the kids make a little wheel that had information about the moms.  Here is what she said about me:

My mother is ? years old (nice, safe answer, Sweetheart!) and has long hair.

She spends lots of time sleeping. (I think this is hilarious because I'm not sure she has ever actually seen me sleep.)

She shows me love by making me cookies.

My mother is good at the computer.

Her favorite chore is dishes. (Umm, okay.)

If my mother was a superhero she'd be: She's not a superhero. (I can totally see her little face saying this!)

Her favorite sport is soccer. (Wha?!? I guess when your parents are so completely anti-sports, just the fact that you can remember the name of a sport is a good thing.)

Together my mother and I like to cuddle. (Awww!! True dat!)

My mother is afraid of nothing. (You hear that world, I fear nothing! Of course when we got home she changed her story and said that I'm afraid of spiders because I do the girl dance after I kill them.)

But the evil, awful part about Mother's Day is that it brings back so many memories of the infertile years. How is it that a day that is supposed to be all about honoring mothers can just poke you in the gut, whispering, "Remember what you don't get to have? That thing you want more than anything? Ha, ha, sucker!" Now, I was lucky enough that I did have CG. But of course that's all complicated because I still didn't know what it was like to be pregnant, to give birth, to play with a beautiful teeny baby. When I met CG she was 2-1/2. I also never got to see Marquis playing with his baby in all those fun stages. Plus, CG already had a mom, and a good one at that, and one that she spent every Mother's Day with because of course she is going to be with her mom on Mother's Day. And so there we were at church every year, just the two of us with the rest of the bench glaringly empty, until I stopped going to church on Mother's Day at all.

The Mother's Day I was pregnant with Sweetheart I went to church happily, so very excited that this would be my first "real" Mother's Day. I was surprised to find that it was still torture, there were still so many reminders of the hurt of all those years. It's getting better as time goes on, but I still really don't like Mother's Day.

So how do we fix this? How do we keep all that is good and beautiful about this day without underlining what is missing and so desired for so many women out there? Is it even possible?